3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
