i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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