How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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