I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize