party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
