i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
