My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize