I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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