He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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