mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
