I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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