Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thanks for going with me today. Itās been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
Itās called āshopping for lingerieā and itās one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize