And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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