I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
