Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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