You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize