we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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