I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
