I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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