Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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