capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
