SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
