508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize