I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
