Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
