mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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