someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
tell your sister to shave her snatch
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
