genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We need to get me chipped asap
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
