Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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