And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
