i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
