so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Buhtt sex?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize