My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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