i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
