can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
