i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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