My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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