Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize