Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
