For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
