so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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