dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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