great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
