My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
