my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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