My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
