I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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