508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
