My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize