why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
