toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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