hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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