I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
