I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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