Are we in a gay sports bar?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
