he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
