is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
