Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
