Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
