I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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