Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
