Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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