Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
