He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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