Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize