That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
