she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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