at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize