if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have feelings that need drinking.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
