he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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