I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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