i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I said "one day" and that day is not today
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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