You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
