Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
