Nicole vs. Life
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
