Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
