I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
