We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Can you bring me the toilet please
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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