Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
