Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
