We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
