I must be too annoying 4 u.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
