You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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