oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
